Its a Miracle!!

So Chad and I have been doing a lot better on our scripture reading! we wised up (finally, after 8 months) and started reading in the morning, when we weren't falling asleep and not paying attention. I'm so proud of us, its been hard to find time but we know that making this habit is really going to bring us blessings and bless our future children too! Anywho, I've still kind of been struggling remembering everything, I'm trying to write things down to help me remember all the stories and remember the scripture references but its tough for me! I'm working hard at it but at times I feel like a total failure because I can't remember squat! I've been praying to make connections with the scriptures so that my testimony of the Book of Mormon would be stronger and today, my prayers were answered!

I have a close friend who is going through a really hard time, I love her so much and my heart aches for her. I have prayed that I would be able to touch her heart and let her feel of my love and support. This week has been tough though. I've spent so long on my knees praying for her happiness and self confidence and so much time talking to her and offering my love and empathy but it seems she doesn't want it, she wouldn't even accept my sympathy and prayers, I know her heart and I know she needs support right now but she's in a place where she doesn't recognize it. Today I was upset and talking to Chad about my issues with this. I was so hurt that one of my dearest friends wouldn't let me love her, I began to suggest that I stop trying so hard and it sound completely ignorant now but at the time it seemed reasonable but I honestly wanted to stop trying so hard because it wasn't working and it was love and devotion that i could be channeling somewhere else where it would be appreciated. I felt so unhappy all day until we read scripture before family home evening. We were reading from Mosiah chapter 4 when King Benjamin was addressing his people regarding the atonement and living within accordance to the commandments. In verse 17 and 18 he says " Perhaps thou shalt say:the man has brought upon himself his misery; therefore I will stay my hand, and will not give unto him of my food, nor impart unto him of my substance that he may not suffer, for his punishments are just-" I felt the spirit so strong at that time, I knew that that was for me. I knew that my friend had brought her pains upon herself and that I had tried to show her love and support her in her time of pain but in that particular day, I had struggles and started to see her situation in this light that king Benjamin is speaking of. It wasn't that I thought her punishment and pain was just, I was just running out of fuel and faith for her and my efforts to help and support her. Verse 18 gave me the direction I needed, it reads "But I say unto you, O man, whosoever doeth this the same hath great cause to repent; and except he repenteth of that which he hath done he perisheth forever, and hath no interest in the kingdom of God." I felt so motivated to continue supporting her. I realized that despite her lack of desire to receive my love and support, I knew that she needed it and it would be my sin to deprive her of what I know the Lord wants for her. Further in the chapter is said (in verse 27) " And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore all things must be done in order." This just gave me so much peace, knowing that As I continue to show love, devotion and empathy for my friend, if I do so in the Lords order and in wisdom, I wont wear myself down, or in other words I wont 'run faster than I have strength to' Be diligent and you will win the prize of salvation. I'm so grateful for those scriptures, the entire chapter spoke to me and I felt the Lords presence in my home. Chad kissed me on the forehead and held me close as we read, I know that he felt the spirit too and the Lord strengthened both of our testimonies through the Book of Mormon.