Thank you Chad

Tender Mercies!
          So today was a little rough. I woke up with some seriously random anxiety. I was stressed  out, but couldn't organize my thoughts enough to pin point what to do to diminish the stress. So all day I ran around, answering the work phone, making list of issues to deal with, getting ready for a trip to Utah, doing empty checks and check outs around the complex, cleaning my house in preparation for the community BBQ and trying to get everything done ... i felt like everything had to be done and everything had to be done right then!
   No wonder I was stressed.
      I really did have a lot on my plate that day and a few grouchy tenants and bad drivers didn't help my cause but I wasn't responding well to them either.

Disclaimer: Excuse ahead

       My emotions have been just a little haywire this week. A little joke that makes me laugh, escalates to crying, which escalates to sobbing pretty rapidly. It's not something I'm proud of but I'll go ahead and confidently say that my hormones are whacked out!

1/2 way through my crazy day, I pick Chad up from school, gave him a soft smile as he walks to the car and as soon as he's in and shuts the door....tears. Tears everywhere. I asked him to say a prayer for me, that I might be able to prioritize my tasks and see them for their face value.

Side note: I think one of the hardest parts of my pregnancy has been the weaknesses it has uncovered. I CAN'T donate plasma any more (which gives Chad and I an extra $400 a month) so I can't help as much financially. I CANT do as much of the cleaning as I used to do. I get tired and my back aches after doing normal chores and tasks around the house and complex that I used to enjoy and chad wont have any of that. And I CAN'T control my emotions at times. I get anxious over everything, I get frustrated at myself for not being able to do the things I once was able to and I feel so much more vulnerable in general. Along with this new found vulnerability I find myself feeling bad that I am so inadequate, I worry about Chad picking up all my slack and I know this isn't what I expected with pregnancy so how could Chad have known his wife would totally change!

      Chad calmed me down, as he always does. As I ran around crazy he was right behind be, helping pick up the peices and get everything organized. He helped me understand that no one can do everything but together we can get close. More importantly, he assured me that I'm normal (which we both know he has no idea) but he made me feel like I was. Despite all my tendencies to doubt his acceptance of my crazy new vulnerabilities, Chad's my anchor. He's so consistent with his love for me. He has grown so much andour marriage has never been stronger, I know he's made sacrifices for me ( as I have for him) that make our love that much sweeter and it's days like today that I rejoice in that.
  
      Chads mere presence made my day so much better. I got the things done that I needed to and we had a beautiful evening together. I'm so grateful for him, for our covenants and for our awesome marriage that to me feels so uniquely perfect. I know we still have a ways to go before we can claim a perfect marriage but I'm calling it, we're pretty happy. Even on our weakest days we are stronger through eachother and i think recognizing that is half of the victory.

     Chad, I know you probably won't even remember today, you'll look back and read this and go back to the day planner and say, "what happened?" but the Lord has shown me, through you, that I am so blessed. I'm going to do everything I can to be worthy of your love and being the competitive wife I am, I'm going to try and one-up you with this one. ;)

Love you,

Kayla