"I need some help from God"

Its been a crazy couple weeks. We renovated our kitchen, had family in town, took Taylor to rehab, hosted a ward social, squeezed in some summer fun, family time, lots of night shifts and of course preparing for school. Our kitchen is finally livable! No more exposed insulation! No more unfinished concrete counters! No more 1/2 finished projects! Chad installed recess lighting with Taylor, Ray and Trent, I hung our collage wall, chad and I ground, sealed and waxed the countertops, we cut, installed and painted the cabinet moulding and I painted the upper cabinets white, we hung our curtains, rerouted our light switches so they actually make sense, found a new chandelier at goodwill and hung it and I installed open shelving. it.was.alot. But we're so over-the-moon happy to have our house feeling more homey and anxious to share our happy space with our friends and neighbors.

    Having Taylor in our home has changed me in so many ways. I feel more compassion and understanding for all those forced to deal with the repercussions for Taylors choices. I feel more convicted in many of my opinions on how to protect myself and my family from this plague.
     Agency has become a clearer concept.  We have been talking a lot about it, all of use have learned new things and faced different realities about this amazing gift. Personally I have learned that the Lord gave us this gift the same way he gives us talents and the Holy Ghost the difference being, it was our first gift, granted before we came here and as such, its sometimes overseen as a gift and attributed more to our human nature. But, just like the other gifts our father has given us, according to his plan, they are ours to wield and what we do with them determines their potency our lives. I hope he will be able to find that gift and see it for what it is again but its given me a deeper appreciation for the agency i have and has made me more protective of it.
    In seeing agency differently, i'm teaching it differently too. Its made me really aware of how much agency I stomp out and how much teaching I allow God to do. Liam has been faced with lots of choices and I'm beaming with pride as he goes out on a limb and chooses the harder right with faith that he'll see and  understand a positive consequence.

    Liam said, "Dad, I need some help from God, to be nicer to my family, to listen to my mom and my teacher and to remember my friends names" He was excited to sit reverently, he folded his arms and closed his eyes and i noticed something special that made my heart swell. I saw understanding. I feel like he really understood (in simple terms of course) the special nature of a fathers blessing and the sacredness of the priesthood in action. It was not a short blessing, it was beautiful and warm. Liam kept his eyes closed, relaxed and peaceful the whole time and would periodically smile as he heard special gems from the Lord.
   I felt the spirit highlight words and phrases to me. 'Generousness', 'Protector', 'Beautiful Brain'. His strengths felt like old treasures pulled from a hope chest. Unique and priceless, special and worth protecting and cherishing.They truely were gems but I believe the Lord was telling me to me to take them out of the hope chest and remember all we have to celebrate and build off of. I felt reproved. and profoundly grateful.

    Admittedly over the past few months or so I have fallen away from focusing on Liams strengths and instead seeing what he needs to work on. I think when I feel insecure as a mother, or I worry i'm not setting him up for the opportunities that will develop him, i parent with more tension and pressure to compensate, which is horrible and counterproductive but its something that I am aware of now and am actively changing to return my focus to his progression through love instead of coercion or persuasion. (which if you know Liam, it will be a thin line, he's a persuasive little man). But that persuasiveness and his questioning me and curiosity are strengths, major strengths.
   He's kind, he's resourceful. He's giving. he's selfless. He's a protective big brother. He loves learning. He pushes himself and has a natural humility that I envy (and that he most definitely doesnt get from me or his dad). He's going to have a great year of Pre-K and I cant wait to see how he grows into his personality and "Beautiful Brain".

Liam is learning this year with Miss Sheralee and Miss Tessa at the Apple Valley Preschool. He is thriving in the structure they have set up and her curriculum is amazing. I love how involved I get to be with what he's learning and how they're pushing him, I'm hoping that he will be adding and subtracting and, fingers crossed, reading a little by the end of the year. His best buddy Porter is in his class and he comes home each day having learned a new friends name. Her behavioral practices really positive and a great approach i have never taken. I'm grateful for the village around me that opens my eyes to new ideas and sometimes slap me in the face with obvious solutions that i cant see when I'm living in the issues. I can't wait to grow with Liam this year and get to know his amazing teachers.