I'm only 1/2 crazy

I did it!

I ran a 1/2 marathon. I did it in 2 hours and 34 minutes, which for me, is much better than my time in training. I don't normally do posts about me but I am sincerely proud of my accomplishments. Just a short 3 months ago, I was 90 pounds overweight, not working out and not eating healthy. I put my health and myself escentially on hold because I didn't have faith in my ability to change, I hated myself a dwelt on my mistakes. I had no confidence in my abilities, I was squandering my talents becasue they drew attention towards me, I hated being noticed because I knew I was not in control of my life, I was a slave to my lack of dicipline and unhealthy habits.

Now, 3 months later, I'm down 35 pounds, I workout 4 times a week, I cook clean healthy meals for my family almost every day and I'm starting to rediscover my self worth. I never would have EVER thought that I would be in the situation I was in. I was healthy and fit in high school, even when I was newly married, I stayed healthy, but as I started to slip and form poor eating habits, I would get down on myself for each bad choice and instead of changing, I would shame myself and talk myself into believing that I wasn't strong enough to make any changes or form better habits.

I can and I did! I'm loosing weight faster and healthier than ever and I'm keeping it off. I'm praising myself because dang it...i deserve it! And I'm finally Happy to be "Kayla" again. I used to be a role model, a leader, excelled in whatever I tried, people enjoyed being around me and i loved being around people. I'm so happy to be back! I feel like I can be a better friend,  a better wife and mother, a better sister and daughter now that my body and self-shaming isn't holding me back.

Now i know a few of you don't understand. Why would I LET my body define me? Am I THAT superficial?

No. I cannot be as good of a mom if I get winded every time I take Liam to the park, I can't love my husband and be a equally-yoked wife with low self-esteem and confidence in my abilities. I hated going shopping and talking fashion with my sisters when I know I "qualified" for plus size clothes and could never share clothes the way all my sisters do. I was ashamed around my mom because she raised me better, she taught me good habits, helped remind me to be health-conscious and supported me in every endeavor I encountered. She knew I could do it and I didn't believe her...I honestly didn't think I could. I LET SATAN convince me I wasn't strong enough. And honestly, shame on me.
  I never lost sight of who I was but I was very discouraged by my mistakes and I dwelt on my short coming. And while my body doesn't define me, its a pretty big influence on my abilities and actions. And my actions DO define me!

I completed my first 1/2 marathon today. I was only a race. Just 13 miles, 2 hours and 34 minutes of my life. But its changed me. I have come so far and after today, I feel limitless. I've never felt that way but I honestly am so excited to see what I can do next.

Now, about the race.


The first three miles were cake. Super enjoyable and quick. Around mile 4 we hit some serious wind resistance! it was so strong but we had lots of energy so we kept chugging along, slowly passing people up and working on our pace. Then, on mile 6 BAM, my knee started throbbing. What? Seriously, not even once did my knees hurt at all during training, especially around 6 miles! I was just confused so i kept running til it stopped hurting. Mile 7 we hit our first hill, it was a doozy! Chelsea and I looked at eachother after that first hill and said, almost at the same time " Lets not do that again"
Wishful thinking.
Mile 8 and 9:Hard
Mile 10: The worst
Throughout the whole race there were little mile markers so throughout the whole 10th mile, I just prayer for the "10 Mile" sign to pop up and it never did. My knee started throbbing so hard that I almost let the pain take over. I pulled behind Chelsea because I didn't want her to worry about me but I cried. The pain was so intense and it felt like it might never end, plus up ahead was an even steeper hill than the first. (Proud moment spoiler) I felt myself loosing it, my breathing was all out of wake and I was getting worked up over the pain and fear of not finishing. I said a prayer, took a deep breath and KEPT GOING. I started up the last hill jogging all the way, I force my mind off my knee and didn't think about the pain for the rest of the race. I learned that pain is a choice!
The hill was steep and very difficult and I walked 5-6 steps but I excuse myself of those since the only reason I slowed was because my sight got fuzzy and I felt myself passing out.
Saftey first
The next sign I saw was for mile 11 SO that means that mile ten WAS the longest mile ever!
Mile 12 was great and Mile 13 was long but as I got closer to the finish line, all I could think about was my 2 man cheering section.

The first thing I got when I crossed the finish line was my shiny medal and a bottle of the best water I've ever tasted, followed shortly by a bouquet of roses from my boys and a huge hug from Liam.

As much as my joints hurt and as tired and hungry as I felt, I was so happy. I can't wait to set new goals and get stronger and healthier for my family and for me!

2015 is my year