To be of worth they must be taught, else their existence will be for naught.

Thinking a lot lately about choices. My choice to be a stay-at-home mom, our choice to move to AZ, to have kids, Chads job, my lack of job. I've been thinking about my choice to say something are not to, to be patient, to be brave. My choice to stand for what I believe in, and more importantly, my choice to believe.     To say the least, it's been a confusing and trying past few months. I've spent hours in pray and in search of the scriptures for a clear cut answer to some of my questions and worries with no avail. Sometimes I think it would be easier if someone could just make these choices for me, I wouldn't have the anguish of making mistakes and the uncertainty of whether I am on the right path. Of course agency is the better choice, and I've seen in my life over and over again how I've benefited from faithfully stepping out on the edge and making a choice based on spiritual revelation for my self and for my family. But lately, my eternal perspective has been narrowed and I've felt hesitance about decisions that were once confirmed through the spirit. I only share this because I know we've all been there. I know the spirit speaks to us all in very personal ways and for me, I'm constantly learning that language. I know there is always darkness before the dawn and I feel peace in my heart that that's what this is. It's exactly why I'm here, it's a test, but it's a tough one.     When I'm worried, I read. I read scriptures, blogs, ensign articles, poetry, lyrics, anything that can give me more perspective and remind me how small I am in this world. So this week, my heart was particularly heavy, I prayed for the Lord to lift my heart and ease my worries. He did, as he always does, first through spiritual prompts, than through words. I wont share my whole experience but I'll testify that the Lord answers prayers when we really listen.   I was impressed to read some of my grandpas poetry. Sweet grandpa, most of his awesome poetry about stainless steel seats or training bras can make me laugh no matter how hard the day and that's what I thought I was going to get, but I was humbled with this little gem that I had never read before.SO grateful for my grandpas gift with words to bear his testimony in such a beautiful relateable way. The Choices "That foal that's born and reared in ease, in sterile barns without disease. Never harnessed to a plow, nor saddled up to chase a cow. Taught only where to drink and eat, soft stall straw beneath his feet. Schooled merely in this casual way, when left alone - will surely stray. Or if he's trained by fear and whip, beaten when he makes a slip, if errant steps find cruel reward, controlled by fear, with braided cord. Then when the sharpened rowel is gone, no longer bound by bit and brawn. Having only learned by fear and force, he'll never be a trusted horse. As with the mount, so too his master, if either would learn to avoid disaster. To be of worth they must be taught, else their existence will be for naught. For choices in either's mortality, make of them what they will be. Both need a guide to hold the rein, a master who sets on higher plane. Although the horse has little say to whom he belongs or must obey, -- and may in his role of servant sweat, as beast of burden or rich man's pet. Men have that gift of agency, to make the choice of what they'll be. To choose to whom they will submit, or if indeed, they'll simply quit. As much as what we learn on earth, the method taught is of equal worth. For if we're forced we may rebel, and too easy learned we'll not excel. The bit is needed to be sure, to steer away from false allure. For left unbridled, man or mount, will likely be of no account. Man can aspire to noble height, he has that chance, he has that right. To choose his course, - his destiny, to be a beggar or grand Marquis. But he can sell away his chance, then like a puppet forced to dance. He can tangle up in flaxen cords, opt for counterfeit rewards. So men, judge well to whom you heed. You have a choice unlike the steed. To take the role of ease and rest, never facing life's great test. Or worse, - the path of serf and master, which leads to doom and sure disaster. So, pick neither whip nor easy track, - and a loving Lord will lead you back." Paul D Hatch "As much as what we learn on earth, the method taught if of equal worth" I love this. Learning a lesson is important but learning it through the spirit and with Christ by your side is what makes the lesson worth learning.   I submit to the Lord and I know that no matter how hard the decision or difficult the journey, if the choice is made through the spirit and with the Lords grace, it will lead me to eventual joy and fulfillment.