The first time he was admitted I was shocked. My grandparents are the healthiest, most active and independent people in their late 80's that I know. Always hiking, walking, playing golf, eating very healthy and traveling often. Now, after struggling to recover from valley fever, he's being hospitalized for blood clots in his legs, gout caused from high uritic acid levels, extremely high blood GE levels (very thin blood, making him at risk for any procedures) and as of two days ago, an added complication, he has stopped being able to swallow, meaning that in two more days, he'll be forced into a procedure of some sort once he's declared "medically starving". Most of the issues are related to medications he has been placed on to help the original problem, which is probably the hardest part of being admitted with a high age, it just makes treatments more temper-mental.
Unfortunately with his advanced age, he's considered high risk for just about anything and almost everything they have to do to try and figure out whats wrong, really affects his overall wellness. Luckily, he's being treated at a local hospital and is surrounded by family, who are constantly visiting and counseling with nurses on his behalf to ensure he's being well taken care of and that grandmas still taking care of herself, despite her loosing herself in service to her sick sweetheart.
I've had the great opportunity to visit for a few hours at a time and become familiar with whats going on and most importantly provide help and support in any way I could. Most of the time, I'm just lending my surfacing sense of humor to lighten a foggy room of uncertainty; pointing out the fashionable "corn on the cob" colored hospital socks my grandpa gets to model for us, talking about the advantages of missing out on the national holiday of peeps, the nastiest treats in the world, or telling a funny story about Liam, my main source of comic material since 2014. It's a service I barely call 'help', in fact, sometimes I feel like its a hinderance and it's more for my coping then for my family but it feels like all I have to offer sometimes.
This last visit I had with him was at a pretty stressful time for everyone there. Big decisions were being made, everyone was tired, worn thin with bad news and discouraging results and I saw my aunts, grandma and grandpa in a state of anxiety that I had never witnessed before. They had seen and heard a lot more than I had so I tried to be open minded, thinking of how I would feel if it was my dad and I was having to help keep the family spirits up. Watching everyones actions and reactions over the 3 hours I spent there, I learned a lot about service and what it takes to truly take care for someone. I also realized just how little I knew about the subject.
My aunts, for example, were asking the tough questions, taking notes about procedures, risk, benefits and treatment suggestions. They were guarding the door while grandpa slept to ensure he got adequate sleep without nurses coming in and waking him without reason. They kept out-of-state sibling and family up to speed on decision and progress made (which comes with a handful of stress, question-answering and care critiquing that is difficult for any set of siblings to work through). They made sure grandma was eating and sleeping , sometimes at the cost of their own sleep and comfort.
My dad came caring in a completely different way. He came with time and talk. While he definitely did his share of reasoning and questioning doctors in reference to his dads preferences and wellness, he spent so much time just talking. My grandparents have spent the last week being tested and waiting for results, over and over again, all day every day. My dad takes care of other by staying optimistic and reaffirming all the good that's happened. I watched him hug his mom and sisters, telling them how appreciated all their work and time was. He would support all his dads decisions and remind him why he made each decision, even if it ended up less fruitful then they had hoped, he reminded him why it was a good idea. He would say "If anyone knew as much as you know in the time that you know it, they would make the same decision." Reminding everyone that we're all doing the best we can.
My grandma gives and gives and gives. I watched her kneel next to her sweetheart numerous times just to be sure he felt her love and full attention when they spoke, she didn't eat in front of him, knowing that he wasn't able to do the same. She constantly asked about his comfort and called nurses for ice chips and assistance at the slightest sign of discomfort. She verbally told Grandpa how much she loved him and how she didn't mind any inconvenience caused by the hospitalization, often saying, with a sweet voice of sincerity "I only wish I could take your place! I would do it in a heart beat!". Watching her and Grandpa converse in this difficult time has been one of the biggest blessing to me as their grand daughter. Their marriage is so beautiful and sweet. When they say they love each other, it's like that's the only thing they know and they've never been more sure of anything else.
I struggled a little as I hit the 3rd hour of being there, thinking, "what am I doing to help? Am I just another body (and a half) taking up room in this less then luxurious hospital room? What words of comfort have I offered, have I helped obtain more information? Should I be out getting food for everyone or arranging better sleeping arrangements for my grandma? Is that even my place? I'm just a grand daughter, there are so many others who have invested more time, who have more resources." I felt a little anxiety creep into my heart as the adversary attempted, with a little success, to convince me that I couldn't do anything and that I was a burden to those around me. My dad seemed to sense the very moment I was going to leave in discouragement because he asked me to give a prayer to invite the spirit before he gave his mom a "fathers" blessing and my grandpa a blessing with the stake president. The impression immediately came to me that I may not know how to comfort my family but the Savior does and if I ask him, he'll make me an instrument in his hands. My prayer wasn't magnificent by any means but it edified me and taught me to resort to prayer more readily in reference to my own abilities. I lack so much but I can obtain the exact and unique abilities needed to serve those I love when I ask. I want so badly to be an angel in the lives of those I love and I know I can be given the tools I need, even if, like with this situation, I dont even know what those tools are.
We all care-take differently and there are so many advantages to that. I hope as I continue to love and support my family, I can grow as a care-taker and become a special piece of support in my family like my aunts, my grandma and my dad have been.
No comments:
Post a Comment