Postpartumness

It's been 10 days since I had Matix and I'm getting back into the groove of things! This postpartum experience has been a dream ( in comparison to my first pregnancy, which I think is pretty typical). It's amazing, the perspective a little experience can give you the second time around.

With my first..
I had a long, over-due, heavily induced labor, abdominal hernias from pushing so hard for so long, the penicillin for GBS throbbed all throughout the laboring process. I LOVED my birth experience in spite of the difficulties we faced because I had an incredible doctor and nurses and baby was healthy and happy. I bled for months ( not weeks, months), I experienced a LOT of anxiety and depression for the three weeks following the birth and breastfeeding was no longer an option after the first week and a half since the baby wasn't gaining weight and the latch was horrible in spite of daily hours spent with lactation consultants. While I was completely in-love and awe-struck with Liam, I spent most of the first few weeks worried sick about his feeding, his breathing (he had a real hard time breathing through his nose), and just keeping him alive. Baby blues had me crying daily...for weeks...for no reason and for every reason. I don't feel like I enjoyed the first few weeks as I should have.
This time around...

Water broke naturally and labored progressively 10 days early. Labor was a little scarier but much quicker. My nurses weren't great but I hardly used them as everything went so quickly. The GBS penicillin was almost unbearable as they had to drip it much quicker than they normally do. Delivery was quick and painless with minimal tearing and they laid him promptly on my chest and waited to cut the cord as I requested. I nursed moments after delivering and had the brains to call in a lactation consultant ever.single.time i fed at the hospital....so every two-3 hours for almost 3 days....poor Larae, she got to know me more than she wanted to. I was still worried about "newborn" concerns like his weight gain and jaundice levels but I knew that a day could make a huge difference so I was able to relax a little and know that things were going to be ok. As far as the past 7 days, being home from the hospital. Each day has gotten better and better. I'm healing 1 million times faster, nursing is still hard and definitely in many ways, uncharted and has a "first-time" feel to it since I had been suggested to stop by this point with Liam, but I'm sticking with it and Matix is a champ ( I find myself calling him that more than his name lately, I'm so proud of his latch and effort, I know this is new and hard for him too). Matix is sleeping so well and I know he'd sleep through the night if I didn't wake him every 3-4 hours to eat.
The biggest difference is just my overall perspective. I know things are getting better, I know the craziness will end and things are already getting back to normal. I'm not freaking out as much a bout my very "used" body. I know things will slowly go back to where they were and my belly will not always be a jiggling jello mold of stretch marks.I know that if worst comes to worst and Im unable to continue breastfeeding, i can still have a very healthy, very happy baby that's formula fed. A couple quick, funny postpartum stories... I was reintroduced to Percocet in the hospital (as Ibuprofen for some reason did NOTHING for me) and I grew very fond of its effects. I normally don't take medicine for almost anything so when I do, I'm very sensitive to its effects. Percocet made me a little lightheaded, it made my lips tingle and sometimes it would make me feel like I needed to pop my ears but most importantly, it gave me a crazy sense of optimism! I told my mom this and she laughed, explaining that maybe the drugs didn't give me optimism, but rather they took away the pain, leaving me able to see my positive circumstances as I normally do. She might have been right but I was sure it was the drugs. My mom was at my place helping with the kids about 6 days after Matix was born and I was up and about, cleaning, cooking and organizing the nursery, I turned to my mom and said, "Man, mom, i feel like a hundred bucks, seriously, i feel amazing and I'm getting so much done! I don't even need the Percocet to tell me that!" , my mom looked at me funny and laughed, "Kayla, I gave you two Percocet 20 minutes ago, it just kicked in."
 Last one, Hormones...
On Sunday I was feeling pretty bad about not being able to go to church with the boys so I got a church bag together for them. it took me all morning but I organized it perfectly, it had anything and everything you could possibly need to keep a toddler reverent, do diaper changes, ect. so naturally, after spending so long putting it together and making it perfect for him, i was so excited to show Chad and explain where everything was ( I'm weird, I know). I started showing Chad how sequencial every compartment was and where everything was in case of whatever situation and he looked at me like he was about to start an intervention and ask me to reconsider my freak-organizing ways. 

"Kayla, this is really nice but I think I'll just take a plastic bag with a diaper and some wet wipes in it"

You guys, I recognize now that hormones were in play here but I cant even tell you how truely betrayed I felt. I felt like Chad ripped out my heart and stepped on it....over a diaper bag. 

So irrational, but so real!
He apologized immediately as tears welled up in my tired eyes but it was too late. The damage was done and I wanted nothing to do with my ungrateful husband for the rest of the day...i think i even said something silly like... "well if you don't have something you need, it's not my fault."

I guess that's another difference between this pregnancy and last, I'm able to recognize and laugh about situations that I know hormones had a bigger play in than logic. I apologized to Chad moments later and we both had a pretty good laugh about it!
Also, my church bag really is amazing and he's crazy not to take it.