What he left behind

Dallas Willard Guttery was my grandpa, he was the definition of a grandpa, welcoming, great at hugs and kisses, never missed a recital, never forgot a birthday, teased me so kindly that it just made me feel special, supported and never judged and loved my grandma perfectly. He was a grade a grandpa and i foolishly thought that was all I needed from him. He was so so so much more than a perfect grandpa and upon the past 2 years of his declining health, I've learned 10 times more about him than I've known my whole life growing up with him.
  Grandpa is the first person in my extended family to pass away so it's a new and unwelcomed feeling. His health had been declining since he got hay fever in 2016. I remember taking my boys to the hospital to visit him and watching as my dad and his sibling scrambled to take care of someone whose never needed caring for. It all felt wrong, grandpa in the hospital was like a poorly written joke. He was a doer, always moving, exercising, gardening, playing golf...it just didn't make sense for him to be sick and it made even less sense to not have him recover well. Watching my dad and his sisters care for him was probably the hardest part for me, they seemed unprepared and even rattled by their need to help and advocate for a man who so naturally and perfectly led and took care of his family every day of their lives. They all did such a good job taking care of hospital situations, travel and care for their parents but it was a hard change for everyone.
   I remember cancelling a trip to see friends for the 4th of July (which was hard because we just love the thompsons) but I felt strongly that we needed to take my family to Holbrook AZ to spend time with him and grandma. My favorite memories with him revolved around our summers and 4th of Julys spent in his home. Watching fireworks on the mountain, playing on the football field, eating Texas sheet cake for grandmas birthday the day before, putting together puzzles on his desk, exploring his rental properties and spending the night on the floors in their vacant rentals with cousins, waking up early so he would take us golfing with him on Saturday mornings, going to church with grandma, visiting the rock shops, eating sopapias at El Ranch, flying kites at the elementary school, playing in the muddy wash, playing horse with dad in the backyard, collecting snails from grandmas garden, playing old computer games in the basement, laughing at only pictures in the hall...I could go on and on. I had to take my kids up there, I wanted that for them. looking back, i'm so grateful my kids got to know him and continue to build a beautiful relationship with their grandma-great.
   After grandpa passed, I watched as a part of my dad dissolved, he was hurt...wounded, with a wound that wouldn't heal. It hurt me watching him more than loosing grandpa, which is saying a lot. I wanted to help him but knew I couldn't so I just called him every day, asking to help with the funeral arrangements, help him take care of things at home while he was in Holbrook taking care of his mom. I was blessed to be able to go to Holbrook with him for a few days, a week before the funeral to spend time with my grandma and him. In those two days I learned more about my grandpa than i ever had.
    Grandpa had amazing parents who loved him very much a fostered incredible values in his life. They were baptist and his dad was a free-mason, sometimes grandpa would go to those meetings with him, he also became a free mason but mainly for and with his dad. growing up, grandpa was an excellent student and had a great group of friends he played clarinet in the band and played very well, he especially loved the patriotic songs. He met grandma in high school and they hung out in the same group of friends. He new he loved her from the start and while he had dated others before her, he treated her different, more permanently. Grandpa went to U of A for college and wrote grandma often  since she was a little younger.
    One of my favorite stories I heard when talking with grandma was his drafting story. The Korean war was happening when grandpa was 19, A family friend was a higher up general in the drafting and training sector, he came to grandpa and said that he would be drafted but that if he wanted to stay, he would be willing to write up an offer that said his parents were terminally ill (which was untrue) which would exempt him from war. He wanted to go to school, he had a bright future in car sales like his father, and many reasons to avoid being drafted (my grandma being one of them), but he knew the price of his integrity, without a second thought he declined the offer and turned in his papers for the war. He was a man of great integrity and honesty in ALL his dealings. Truly, you could sense it in every conversation, so full of honesty and genuine character.
       I spent 4-5 hours reading letter after letter that my grandpa wrote to his sweet heart while away at war and organizing them chronologically for my grandma.  I learned so much... about my grandparents, about the Korean war, about the 50's about the Love story of Ordene and Willard. Its unlike anything i could have imagined. I feel like their love is truly timeless and magical. they were high school sweet hearts, grandpa used to play clarinet in the marching band and grandma would listen to him and hang out after school for years in their youth. Grandma can remember singing around a friends piano with him on the weekends and not caring that he was horribly tone deaf, she just loved spending time with him. I never knew he was tone deaf.
     Grandma worked her way up in a local bank and when grandpa went to war she interviewed for a great job at a large bank in California. Grandpa wrote her encouraging words about her job, wishing her luck and excitement in her move and her new job. As I read the letters I never heard and uncertainty about their future together, I think they new that no matter how things changed while he was at war, the had a forever love and they KNEW they would be together. My heart grew just knowing a love like theirs exists and that it flows in my blood.
     Grandpa loved his dogs, Missy and Smokey. he started every morning with the Holbrook news paper and a cup of coffee from the gas station. He loved a good enchilada and a peice of grandmas sheet cake but truth be told, he loved everything grandma made. He worked on his computer but never when his grand kids wanted to play, he was well known by everyone in town, and everyone appreciated him because he worked so hard for everyone he knew. Grandpa was a community leader who truely LOVED his town and believe in it's potential to be a beautiful place to live and raise a family. He owned multiple businesses and worked hard, people would say "you weren't working hard til you were working like a Guttery." What an incredible legacy he created and what big shoes I have to fill as a proud Guttery.
    Grandpa never joined the Church and it never was something that i talked to him about.....probably my only regret. I remember having so many questions for him about his beliefs but every time i had an opportunity to talk with his about it, it didn't feel right. In retrospect, those conversations may not have been necessary because what he believed (as it does with us all ) was evident in his actions. He served, he loved, his sacrificed, he improved continually and he had faith. I might not know specifically what all he had faith in but I know that he had faith in his family, in a future, and in a higher being.  I can remember him asking my Dad for a blessing once when he was going in for a surgery and thinking " ok, this is it, he believes, he's going to get baptized and be a member of the church." How naive I was. Or maybe hopeful. Grandpa was quiet and kept his opinions and beliefs to himself while highlighting other rejoicing in their beliefs and the happiness it brought them. For all we know he was asking for a blessing for the sake of allowing my dad to practice his beliefs and receive comfort in his own beliefs, or maybe he had a testimony of parts of the gospel, I can only guess....for now. I look forward to conversations with my grandpa. And hugs, I cant want to hug him and not let go for a long long time.
   I read a letter that was eloquent and beautiful in its tact, as my grandpa allowed my grandma to break his heart if needs be. While he was at war, preparing to return home in a few months, he wrote her concerning religion. Apparently he had wrote her a few times to which she replied softly with words painted with comfort and indifference so grandpa laid it out straight and lovingly inquired sincere answer from grandma. He said that he loved her with all that he was and he loved that she believe so strongly in the gospel, he also said he would never be a member of the church and that he knew how important being married in the temple was to her. I can hardly write this next part without crying because if the love in each word i read. He explained that he loved her too much to deny her something she wanted so much. He said he would step aside and allow her to move on without him if thats what she wanted, he told her he'd be heart broken but that he wanted her happiness over anything. He also said that he was sure that they would have a beautiful, happy and full life together and that their love would grow, even with differing beliefs. He promised he would never discourage or oppose her beliefs as he respected them so deeply. Then he asked her to pray, think it over and answer him back in a letter as he was anxious to be wed when he returned home if that be her desire. His respect, thoughtfulness and character are inspiring and my grandmothers steadfastness and strength are enough legacy to fill our family tree.
    I learned so many gems that will reside in my heart and be told to my children for years to come and i'm humbled to know that someday I'll be able to talk to grandpa again and listen to him gush over his sweetheart and hold her hand again. Truly a heavenly dream to come true. Families are divine and sacred.
     Grandpas funeral was perfect. It seemed as though the whole town stopped and everyone came to honor a man who gave his life to those who surrounded him and his family. Resturants he was a regular in catered the luncheon, he was in all the papers, the city put his name on the billboards and some stores closed entirely to be with the family all day. Danica, Erica, Rachel and I were in charge of the table displays and we could hardly fit such a full life on 5 long folding tables, between his amazing careers, hobbies,family, firefighting career, musical endevers, educational successes and grand kids and great grand kids, the tables were full to the brim, much like his life. Aunt Kay gave a beautiful life sketch and Dad took memories from all the siblings to share with everyone. I was so grateful to be able to sing my dads favorite hymn, "Consider the Lilies" Grandpa always came to my show, encouraged me in my music and every time I came to visit he would make me sing for him so to sing for him one last time was humbling and truly allowed me a feeling of connection and warmth i cant quite describe. I'm so grateful.
      We moved to the grave side service and were met with veterans from the Korean war lined to salute his grave, his gun and helmet standing at the head of his grave as the guns fired. Liam grabbed a shell from the shots fired and held it close for the rest of the day. The the fire department made a final call (something i can never seen before but was beautiful and emotional) The department called in on a wakie talkie and dismissed him from duty for the last time, thanking him for his service and retiring his badge number. Erica gave the opening prayer and after the bishop spoke and uncle john, we were all able to lay flowers over his casket and after it was all over, the men in the family buried the casket by hand and shovel, it was unique and symbolic and Chad was so grateful to be included in such a memorable and meaningful ceremony.
       The day was beautiful and hard and filled with love. Being with my family was confirmation of the eternal nature of the family unit. our love transcends this earth and strengthens our spirits. Im proud of my heritage, grandpa was a hero to many but a hero and grandpa to me and for that I'm forever blessed, as are my children and thier children.
       Grandpa would always seal his letters to my grandma with the phrase "Be a good girl. All my love, Willard"
        I love you grandpa, with all my love.