The Meanest Girl

On Tuesday, Liams Preschool teacher pulled me aside to disclose the details of an "incident" that i should "be aware of". With a kid like Liam, I know I'll be hearing from teachers...for lots of reasons, mostly good. I think the world of him, he's a born leader, confident, kind, very sensitive and contemplative, calculating and high prioritizing, great communications skills, very artistic, very physically affectionate and just expressive in every way, not afraid to connect with anyone and assumes everyone wants to have a conversation with him. With all these special gifts come some struggles, he gets his feelings hurt easily because he puts himself out their in such open ways. He sometimes lets logic overpower his compassion and we're working on putting others feelings first. he's at an age where the basics of kindness, sharing and sacrifice are still complex and difficult to embrace to I anticipated some... conversations this year with his teacher.
    But the teachers story caught me a little off gaurd. She said " Today Liam had a little situation. He told all the girls that he loved them and it made some of them feel uncomfortable, he even made a girl cry. Maybe you could talk to him about how that phrase should just be shared between family member." I was apologetic and laughed a little at the situation but upon rolling up my window and driving off, i was just confused. I text her later for details so i might better understand why this was a problem i needed to be addressing and she just said that the girl he made upset was already having a hard time and the Liam told her he loved her and when she said she didnt love him back he persisted and said he loved her anyways, she saw that as badgering.

    I waited for a good time to talk to Liam when I knew he would be open and honest about the details of the situation and he explained it pretty clearly. He was occupied with legos and that's when he loves talking most, when his hands are busy.

K:Hey buddy so what happened with the girls at school today.
Liam: I love them, they are so nice to me mom.
K: Well that's great bud, but were any of your friends sad today
L:Nope
K: No one? none of the girls or boys?
L: The meanest girls was sad.
(I was completely taken back by his description)
K: That's not a very nice was to describe someone!
L: She is mom, she's always the meanest girls and her face always looks like this. (he then made the funniest grimace I had ever seen)
(it took everything in me to take him seriously)
K: Well whatever face she's making, we don't call her the meanest girl.
L: I didn't, I told her I loved her

*It was at this point that I realized why he had described her.

K: Do you like mean girls Liam?
L:I love all my friends but I didn't want her to make that face so I tried to hug her and told her I loved her.

This was Liam trying to solve a problem. and I was proud of my little troublemaker.

We did talk about what the teacher said I we discussed how everyone feels loved differently. We decided that if we wanted to show our friends we loved them we could definitely say we love them (I will NEVER tell my son not to express love in the way it means the most to him, his words) but if our friends aren't receptive we could try something else. We talked about finding something special about that person and complimenting them instead, or making sure we go our of our way to share with them during centers.

Learning how to love others is hard for everyone, even 28 year old moms, but I'm so grateful that he tries and that he's learning at his own pace, that's how we all learn best.