Easton Shaye Merrell

Eastons arrival, like his brothers births, had been long anticipated. Each of my pregnancy have had little bumps along the way but this one was a doozy! The first two trimesters were fun and easy. Nausea, lightheadedness and tiredness was expected so it seemed "run-of-the-mill" and I felt pumped as I watched the weeks fly by. training for the 1/2 marathon through the 1st and 2nd trimester made me push myself and create healthy habits that served me well throughout the first 6 months but like clock work, when that 3rd trimester hit, so did a wave of...new experiences that tested my resolve to have a big family. Nerve pain, back aches, depression, and braxton hicks were just a few of the symptoms that hit me full force as I tried to smile through family vacations, farewells, reunions and camping trips but by week 35, i felt like i could have a baby every single day. I went as far as looking up local hospitals and OB's while on vacation because i had steady contractions that had me in tears every 7 minutes throughout the duration of our 3 hour car trip up north to grandmas house. Around week 37-38 i fully expected to have a baby every day when i woke up and prayed to have my water break every night as it did with Matix at 38 weeks. Each day, i didn't and I continued to labor with strong contractions and jolts of sciatic nerve pain ever hour.
    Towards the end of my second trimester I decided to switch doctors as I hoped to go into labor naturally and assumed it would move quickly as my last did, i wanted a doctor that would deliver at the hospital 5 minutes down the road instead of 40 minutes away in Mesa, so going off of 5-6 peoples references, I went with a midwife who was in our ward, a wonderful gal who I had confidence and comfort in. That being said, the office staff was horrible and I learned that that detail matters to me more than I thought it did. Luckily, I had lots of faith in my midwife and was hopeful for a good experience.
  At 39 weeks I had them sweep my membrane and I was only at a three but with some bribery, she made sure my bishop score (whatever the heck that is) would be high enough for an induction on my due date. I wasn't waiting around after that since many risks go up after the due date and I was already physically and emotionally done.
  I went into the hospital on my due date for my scheduled induction at 8:00am. I was disappointed when the nurse told me she would check me and give me oral induction pills and then send me home. I tried talking to nurses for hours while being monitored about he plan i had created with my midwife but by noon, i realized i had little to no say in how things were going to go. I was grateful to be admitted until I was informed that i wouldn't be able to receive any further induction medication for 4 more hours which to me meant, 4 more hours of stress, no progress and being away from my babes at home. By 8pm i was fed up. I felt like no one was listening to me so i finally got a little assertive and insisted on petocine. They finally gave me petocine and within the hour my water broke and i was on my way to meeting my son! Thing moved quickly from there and i went from a 4-7 within 45 minutes, contractions were hard and heavy and i had to really coach myself through them. I phoned the nurse and in my newfound assertive nature i told her to get the anesthesiologist to my room, pronto! This was definitely the scariest epidural because i was at a 7 and my contractions were getting stronger and stronger so it was almost impossible for me to hold still, but there is something about the fear of nerve damage or being paralyzed for life that motivates you to do whatever you have to do.
  Breea had been with us most of the afternoon and evening and unfortunately she decided to head to our house for a nap right before my water broke so as soon as the anesthesiologist came we woke her up and asked her to come back to the hospital. But shortly after i got my epidural i felt the urge to push and i know i was less than an hour away from Eastons birthday. Breea was at the bottom floor of the hospital and for some reason they wouldn't let her come up! I told them i wasn't going to push until she got there ( one of the joys of an epidural i guess) as soon as i saw her walk through the door, camera up, i started to push. i felt more with this birth than any other! It hurt and i had plenty of motivation to get that sweet baby out. When Easton finally arrived at 12:33am I was so overjoyed, Chad delivered him and i was able to cut the cord ( i told chad i wanted a turn doing the fun stuff this time)

Easton was perfect, he immediately started eating and everything has been so smooth sailing with him., He is so peaceful and content. after months of pain, anxiety and failure I decided to bottle feed my sweet babe. it was a very hard decision, harder than ever before and honestly, i felt like the decision bruised my motherhood a bit. Its been  hard to talk about be cause i invested so so much in my efforts and saw so many consultants and had so many good days, its hard to stop trying but our lives are so much happier (baby included) and the day to day anxiety and tears have been completely eliminated and replaced with cuddly bonding time during bottle feedings, healthy full tummys and more quality time with my family. I'm still broken but I'm on the mend and i know it will get better. I tease that Chad needs to have me sign some sort of contract to remind myself of the hell i put myself through with breastfeeding so i can more confidently decline next time around.maybe i'll learn, we'll see.

Having a third baby is when things get real. With three, i'm extending my time as a full-time SAHM and submitting my freedoms just a little further to the interests of my children. I'm so grateful to have the opportunity to learn from another little human and i'm so grateful for the two that get to help me raise him in love and learning. Easton is the calm feeling you get when you recieve a hug. He is the human stress ball that you squeeze a little and instantly feel a little lighter, a little happier and a little more hopeful. I am so grateful for him already.